jdhmnovel Chapter 237: Strive for Perfection
Chapter 237: Strive for Perfection
The rest of the incident passed without much trouble. Anta moved out of Prota’s body, tired of having dealt with so many people for so long. As much as she was far more fluent in communication, she didn’t exactly thrive off of being around others either. The only reason she was the one who spoke was simply because Prota was almost incapable of communicating clearly.Still, their friends stuck around for the celebration. Similar to her previous life, Ryu and Zuko reconciled and threw a party, with the actual members of the Yakuza relieved at having survived such an ordeal. This time, however, the students who’d saved them were now celebrated, hailed as heroes, whereas they had been absent the last time they’d gone through this event.
Unfortunately, Prota hated being celebrated, so she retreated outdoors instead.
“I wonder if this is what was supposed to happen,” Anta laughed as Prota sipped at a cup of tea. “Maybe John interfered in something he shouldn’t have?”
“We also interrupted,” Prota pointed out.
“Yeah, but wasn’t this way a lot more fun?”
“...fun?”
“Ah, whatever.”
Snow began to fall lightly, turning golden in the light of the setting sun. Prota watched steam rise from her cup, entertained by the faint vapor vanishing into the air. It was amusing, in a sense, that something so simple was so interesting, even with the things Prota was capable of. Then again, someone like John enjoyed the beauty of the world despite knowing it was fake, so reason wasn’t something Prota had to worry about.
“Was it worth it?”
“Nn.”
“That’s good.”
Now that the whole thing was over, though, both Anta and Prota couldn’t help but worry.
Not about the [Plot], or about the butterfly effect. No, while that mattered, they had also resolved themselves to embrace whatever came next. At this point in time, there wasn’t really much point in predicting the future, anyway. Time seemed to have flown by much faster, but there weren’t that many important events left.
Sofya was no longer a fight they had to take, and matters with Hikari were something they’d already messed up. Kit’s problem would likely be easier than before, if anything, provided the prince no longer had [Deus Ex Machina] energy on his side. The lab would probably be untouched by any of Prota’s current actions, and as long as John didn’t know about it, he wouldn’t get access to any of that energy, either.
All that to simply say that the matters of [Deus Ex Machina] and butterfly effect simply weren’t that worrisome anymore.
What mattered now was that John had appeared, and suddenly, in a moment of importance, he hadn’t reappeared. Perhaps one could chalk this up to Zero trying to distract John, but both Prota and Anta had a feeling things weren’t as simple as that.
“We just have to be quicker,” Anta said quietly. “There’s only one more year of school, probably. And the matter with Kit and the lab will only take one more year.”
Suddenly, Prota’s heart dropped.
Two years.
In a sense, that was a lot of time. Hundreds of days, thousands of hours away.
But at the same time, two years could pass by in the blink of an eye.
And then those two years were up, what would happen? Once again, Prota was forced to face reality. There was a strong sense of dread welling up in her heart.
In two years time, she’d have to make a choice.
And right now, she didn’t know if she was strong enough to make that choice.
“I guess my answer is that I also don’t know.”
Was what she was doing right?
“Prota,” Anta sighed. “I don’t know if it’s much consolation to you, but… look.”
Prota did look. The doors to the casino were still open, and she could hear shouts of joy and excitement echoing out.
In the grand scheme of things, the people she’d saved weren’t much. Just small groups of people among a larger, vast world she had yet to explore fully. Many of these people had supposedly died during the Demon War. More would die if John had his way.
But in this moment, that didn’t matter.
“Does logic really matter? Prota. You made me realize something. Doing what we want doesn’t have to make sense. The things we believe are right don’t have to be right to everyone.”
“...what?”
“Prota. Are you doing this because you think it’s the right thing to do?”
For a moment, Prota didn’t know what to say. Was it the right thing to do? That was a question she’d wrestled with for a long time. Was she doing the right thing? Or was she simply doing what she felt like doing?
“But you made me understand. In the end, what’s right and wrong kinda stops mattering. There’s always going to be people who believe they’re right. Always going to be people who believe they’re wrong. Remember Doctor? Do you think he did what he did because he was evil? Or, have you maybe considered that he really thought he was doing what he wanted?”
Prota flinched. Was Anta trying to say she was just like Doctor?
“Think. All of our opponents. Doctor. The cultists. Hikari. Sofya, the prince, Celeste, John, they all had their reasons. They all did what they believed they wanted, and in a way, they all felt justified. Were they, though? Is what they did right? Or is it wrong?”
“I…”
“In the end, John had a pretty good point. In this kind of world, good and evil don’t really matter. We can fight for what we believe to be good, but how can we be sure it’s truly good? We can only fight for what we believe in.”
“What… what do you mean?”
“I mean, when it comes to fighting John, you shouldn’t worry about useless stuff. You know in there? Your friends got hurt. Briar got hurt. Aurora got hurt. That’s pretty bad, right? And yet, you still believe letting them help was the right decision.”
Prota stared into the casino, where her friends were still having fun. Right.
To others, it might seem incredibly reckless and stupid to allow children to fight with their lives on the line. Yet, it was what she believed to be right. It was what she wanted to do. And she didn’t regret the decision. If one of them had died, she might have blamed herself, but ultimately, it was something she’d resolved herself for.
Anta was right. Whatever decision she made, she could only do what she believed in. And if she was wrong, then she would be wrong, and the consequences that followed would be accepted.
“Prota?”
She was shocked out of her thoughts as Briar sat beside her. She hadn’t even noticed her friend until her name had been called.
“Hey. You ok out here?”
“Nn.”
“Ah. That’s good. Sure you don’t want to come in?”
“Nn.”
There was a moment of awkward silence between the two.
“...hey. Thanks.”
Prota nodded. She didn’t know what Briar was exactly thanking her for, but it was nice nonetheless.
“You know, I thought you were crazy at first,” Briar laughed. “But I get it now. Coming here, dealing with things myself, fighting for gramps on my own, I never would’ve even thought of this. But you gave me that opportunity.”
“It’s ok,” Prota said calmly. “Last time, you fought, so this time, you also fight. Simple.”
“But it’s not. I don’t know what your life was like, Prota. I don’t get this whole regression thing, having two souls thing, fighting evil cultists and all that. I’m… I’m not that impressive. So, seriously. Thank you. For letting me also see what it’s like to want something.”
To want something.
Suddenly, Anta’s words clicked.
She hadn’t been able to put it into words until just now, but at this moment, she understood what she was fighting for.
She wanted to give everyone a chance. A chance to choose what they wanted. A chance to see a way out.
Just like John had given her an opportunity, a helping hand, allowing her to choose the path she wanted, she would do the same. She would give her friends the ability to fight John if that’s what it came to. She would give John the opportunity to fight for himself, even if it brought the world to an end.
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Maybe it wasn’t right. Maybe it was even evil, to give someone a chance to destroy the world as they knew it.
But it was what Prota wanted.
Because it was what had been done for her.
“...thank you, Briar.”
“Me? What did I do?”
Prota just shook her head, standing up. It seemed like there was some decent food in the party. It wouldn’t do to have it all disappear before she got to eat some of it.
“Wha- hey, are you gonna answer? Prota? Hey!”
~~~
The group was strangely motivated when the whole ordeal finished. Of course, they all agreed to keep it a secret. That had been part of the agreement when they’d gotten themselves involved in this mess.
But it seemed something had awoken in them. Perhaps it was a result of seeing the world on a greater scale, a sense of maturing before they were meant to. After all, these children had witnessed death. They’d seen people die, and while the people who’d died weren’t exactly upstanding citizens, it surely must’ve been hard for them to witness such a thing.
They seemed fine, though.
Prota had asked Destiny to check on all of them, just to make sure no one was going through a crisis Prota wasn’t seeing. However, after a week, Destiny confirmed that none of them seemed to be suffering from any sort of trauma. If anything, they were simply more dedicated to the crafts they’d decided on from the start, as if working toward a goal they hadn’t originally had.
Of course, she asked him what it was that was motivating them, but his answer simply didn’t make sense to her.
“It’s because of you.”
She didn’t get it. What was because of her? It wasn’t like she’d done anything incredible. She hadn’t helped them in a drastic way, hadn’t saved their lives or put them in incredible debt. So just what was inspiring her friends to change in such an amazing manner?
“You really aren’t a hero,” Destiny laughed upon seeing her reaction. “At least, you’re not trying to be one.”
“Hm?”
“Prota. I don’t know what kind of life you went through to take all this stuff as normal, but most people don’t go around fighting for their lives on the regular.”
“You-”
“I’m different. You should know this by now. I’m not someone you should base your standards off of, you know.”
“He’s right. Idiot.” Anta floated out of Prota’s body with a rather annoyed expression on her face. “You’ve been basing your standards off John, who you know, for a fact, is not normal.”
“...I keep forgetting you can do that,” Destiny said with a sigh. “You sure it’s ok to show yourself here?”
“If I say it’s fine, it’s fine,” Anta muttered. “Prota. Look. You know what we were talking about? This is what it’s worth. This is what friends do. I- well, I suck at explaining this.”
“I think what Anta is trying to say, Prota… is that people aren’t the sum of their benefits and liabilities.” Destiny leaned back on the bench, staring up into the winter sky. “That’s what the camp thought of us. We were expendable soldiers. We were only as useful as our skills allowed us to be. That’s why they killed me. Because I saw value in people who were more than just the sum of their abilities.”
Prota slowly nodded. She vaguely understood his point. Still, it was hard for her to grasp it. She understood that friends were friends no matter what, but she’d had such a mindset of “strength” and “weakness” that it was hard for her subconscious to accept it.
“I know it sounds like you had a rough past, but you’ll eventually get it. You don’t make friends because they give you things, Prota. And you don’t give them things just because they’re your friends.”
Prota tilted her head in confusion. What did Destiny mean?
“Prota. When you have friends, it’s just… nice for them to be happy. When you see people you care about doing well, it’s usually a good feeling.”
Prota nodded. She knew that much, at least.
“And when they do things for you, you don’t repay them because you need to. You do it because the growth of everyone, together, is just something you should strive for. Our friends were inspired by you. They saw the work you put in. And they want to do the same. Is it really that confusing?”
To be honest, Prota did think it was confusing. She just didn’t really understand the idea of striving toward something so immaterial. Without a clear cut goal, it was hard for her to visualize chasing a dream she couldn’t explain.
“It’s ok,” Anta sighed. “Prota. You don’t have to understand others. Just know that it’s because of you. Just continue to be you. Do the best you can. Because, in the end, that’s all we can do.”
To her surprise, Destiny laughed. “She’s not wrong. In the end, just be you, Prota. We’ll have your back. Trust in us. And we’ll trust in you.”
~~~
Then, just like in her last life, the second year finished without much incident. However, instead of going to attack the Wyntons, Prota joined her friends on vacation.
It was fun. A lot of fun. She didn’t mind her time with John, but he’d seen the world in a very different way. Prota was now able to see the world from the perspective of those who lived in it. Eating foods she’d never experienced, seeing sights she’d never seen, all in a very different way.
Sure, she’d gotten to see the land of the Mystics. Yes, she’d experienced powers beyond comprehension. But at the same time, there was a certain joy to simply being around good friends.
Swimming in a lake. Chatting by a bonfire, going on a picnic, hiking through the woods, laughing, smiling, just having fun for the sake of having fun. Not as a reprise, but just to do it. To experience things with others, people who might be considered ordinary, people who could experience things everybody else could experience.
Of course, that wasn’t entirely true. The people around her weren’t exactly normal, either. But they were infinitely more normal than someone like John.
And the vacation wasn’t going to be completely normal, either.
“What the- why are we being attacked?!” Destiny yelled as an explosion shook the ground near the cabin.
“Des? What’s going on?” Celestia’s nervous voice called out.
The group was awakened by a sudden attack that nearly killed them all in their sleep. Destiny was the first to burst out of the boy’s room, with Prota being next, albeit far sleepier.
“Nn,” she groaned sleepily. “Annoying.”
“Prota? Do you know what’s going on?”
At this point, everyone was gathered in the living room, alert and nervous. Everyone, that was, except for Prota.
“Cultists,” Prota muttered. “Annoying.”
“Cultists? Again?” Briar groaned. “What, are they trying to take revenge on us or something?”
“No. Her,” Prota said, pointing to Celestia as she rubbed her eyes. “Trying to kidnap.”
Destiny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he clenched his fists in rage.
“Again?”
“Nn.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me…”
“Wait, they’re trying to kidnap the princess?” Danjo exclaimed, suddenly understand what was going on. “Th-then, we’ve got to stop them, right?”
“Damn right! Pricks!” Briar growled.
She was already reaching for her new weapon, which she kept by her side at all times. Usually, she used it to create casts and hammer things into shape, but she’d also become known for hitting people that annoyed her. She was a pretty good fighter when she needed to be.
“But, um, this is kind of dangerous, isn’t it?” Arthur said nervously. “Wouldn’t it be better for us to report to the Royal Family instead?”
“Hm… but it’s not like we can’t fight them on our own, right?” Aurora said, rubbing her chin. “And we’re a lot more prepared this time around. After all, we’ve been training for an event like this, right?”
“That’s… but…” Arthur muttered.
“You brought your tools, right?”
“I mean, we all did. But what does that-”
“Better start making some good reagents, Arthur,” Aurora said, putting a large arm around his shoulders. “I have some magic circles to paint.”
Arthur grumbled, but he couldn’t fight against Aurora. In the end, though, everyone turned to Prota.
“...Prota,” Destiny said quietly. “What do you think?”
“Me?” she said, confused. “Why?”
“Well… you know. You went through this already, right?”
Prota shook her head. She was about to explain when Anta appeared, laughing her head off.
“You guys know you didn’t go through everything together, right? You weren’t there to fight against the cultists in the casino. Prota wasn’t here last time, either.”
“Then… what was she doing?” Celestia frowned.
“Oh, we were just wiping out a noble household,” Anta smirked. “Nothing interesting. And then we fought a Mystic, but that’s another story.”
“You- what?!”
There was another flurry of noise. That statement in itself was infinitely more ridiculous than having to fight against cultists.
“Look, look, the point is, you guys can do this on your own,” Anta said, finally calming down. “In fact, it should be easier this time around. So, how about this? Prota’s gonna stay right here. You guys deal with the problem on your own. If things get dicey, we’ll step in, but not a moment sooner.”
There were mutters of confusion. Everyone glanced at each other, as if to try and find someone reliable to lean on. At the moment, that someone had been Prota, but with the declaration that she’d be sitting things out, the mood suddenly shifted. There were numerous glances at Destiny, but he too shook his head.
“She’s right,” the hero eventually sighed. “We just need to choose for ourselves. Are we going to wait? I can call the Royal Guard right now if you want. But don’t you guys think we can deal with this on our own?”
Soon, confusion turned into confidence. Some were more hesitant than others, while others seemed to relish the opportunity.
In the end, though, these were people who would eventually save the world. It was in their nature to rise to the challenge.
“Alright. It looks like everyone’s ready?” Destiny asked with a faint smile.
He drew his blade, its golden aura glowing softly in the darkness of the cabin.
“Then let’s do it.”
~~~
“Zero. Who was that girl?”
John was sitting on the branch of a tree, staring at the bloody mess before him. Three cultists, all of whom had been killed rather quickly, just outside the border of the Dwarven capital.
“What girl?”
“You know who I’m talking about.”
“I can’t say.”
John just sighed, hopping down. He pulled a stick of gum out of his pocket dimension and popped it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
“She acted like she knew me.”
“John-”
“Hey. Theoretically, in a story with a regressor, would I remember the regression?”
“Hm… that’s an interesting question,” Zero replied slowly. “And I’m not messing with you here. I actually don’t really know the answer to that yet.”
“...so she’s not a regressor?”
“I didn’t-”
“No, if she was a regressor, you’d either say you can’t answer, or you’d make up some excuse. But the fact that you don’t know means she isn’t.”
“Can you stop being so smart for a bit?” Zero sighed. “You weren’t this clever when you sitting on your ass for years on end.”
“But then how?” John muttered, ignoring his soul.
“What if she’s really just a prophet?” Zero offered. “It would explain a lot.”
“But it wouldn’t explain enough!” John exclaimed. “It doesn’t make sense. She knew too much about me. She asked questions that were visibly pointed at my past.”
“I mean, play stupid games, win stupid prizes, you know?” Zero laughed.
“But that’s not what this is. And I have a feeling she knew I could [Reset], too. A [Mentor], maybe… some kind of transmuted godly being?” John muttered. “But why was she there? And why is she a student? Watching over the [Protagonist], maybe?”
Zero remained silent. John just sighed, kicking at the snow beneath his feet.
“Zero. What aren’t you telling me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting strange ever since we entered this world. Like something’s been making you uncomfortable. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I have no clue-”
“Don’t bullshit me.” John’s tone was dangerously quiet. “I don’t remember that much of the last world, but at the very least, I know you. Something happened.”
“John. You know, sometimes-”
“You know what? It’s fine. I don’t need you to tell me anything. I’ll figure it out eventually.”
He sighed against, staring up at the night sky.
“Even when you haven’t found a single one of your memories?” Zero asked quietly.
“They’ll come eventually. The [Author] put me here. They can’t leave me here.”
“You don’t know-”
“I do.” John’s tired eyes narrowed slightly. “That’s just how this works, isn’t it? Even if it means I have to put in a little work.”
“You? Really?”
“That kid said something interesting. Zero. Are there really multiple versions of me? Is there even a point to my existence?”
“That’s what you’re thinking about? Really? You, the fictional character. You’re just realizing that now?”
John shook his head. “I’ve known. But, just… you know. Maybe I want to choose what I want to do. Maybe there’s a little merit to having some drive.”
Zero was silent for a little while, the only sound the crunching of snow under John’s feet.
“What prompted this change?” the soul finally said.
“Just… if there really is another John, isn’t it going to come down to who wants it more? At the very least, I want to say I tried. I don’t wanna say I let someone else make the final decision for me.”
Zero didn’t say anything, but John could feel that the soul was a little pleased.
“...have you considered, John, that who you are might persist? Even across memories? Across worlds?”
“What are you going on about now?”
“Nothing.” Zero popped out, taking a deep breath of fresh air with a faint smile on his face. “Just… a thought.”