jdhmnovel Chapter 235: Hazy Mind
Chapter 235: Hazy Mind
“Your daughter,” Anta said, crossing her arms. “We can save her.”In the blink of an eye, she found herself at the tip of a well sharpened blade. Well, that was to be expected. She’d blatantly provoked Ryu into a fight, mainly because she didn’t know how else to get his attention properly. If he hadn’t drawn his weapon, something would have been off.
“Who told you of my circumstances?” Ryu said quietly, his eyes filled to the brim with anger. “Do not expect to leave here alive.”
“Relax,” Anta sighed. “We’re not your enemy. I really mean it.”
“Then what brings you here?”
“Eradication of cultists,” Anta shrugged. “That’s who’s targeting her, right? That’s why you’re doing all this?”
“I-”
“Zuko Hi is the guardian of my friend. I’m just trying to help him. And if I can wipe out some cultists in the process, then we all win, right?”
The logic was weak, but Ryu was likely confused enough that he’d just accept it. This had to work. It always worked.
Because it was the method John used.
There was cause for concern here, of course. But John wouldn’t recognize his own behaviour in a [Character], because he didn’t consider himself as one. He might be perceptive when it came to things [Story] related, but when it came to himself and those around him, he could be quite blind.
“I- I see,” Ryu said slowly. “But they are many. They are strong. What could a child such as yourself hope to accomplish? Do you believe I have not tried myself?”
“Strong?” Anta laughed. “Please. You’re stronger, aren’t you?”
“The power of many-”
“If it’s numbers you’re worried about, I’ll handle that.”
“...I am not ungrateful. But even you must see the absurdity of the situation. How can you, a child, do what I cannot?”
Anta resisted the urge to sigh. Well, the man wasn’t going to be completely unrealistic. That was fair.
“Don’t trust me, then,” Anta said, standing up. “I offered you a way out. If it comes to it, I’ll be taking Zuko’s side over yours. So you can choose a method where we all walk out happy, or you can choose a method that burns your empire into the ground. Your choice.”
She stared Ryu in the eyes, refusing to back down. Even with his intense glare, she returned it with an equal intensity.
“Very well. Explain this plan of yours to me.”
The battle was won.
Anta leaned forward and began to explain. The first step was planting a tracking device on his daughter, to ensure her location was known at all times, should something go wrong. Ryu had done this on his own in their previous life, but he didn’t need to know that.
The next step was to inform the cultists that Zuko would not be able to pay off his loan.
“Are you insane?” Ryu cried out. “Then they’ll just-”
“We’re going to take it from him anyway,” Anta said, shaking her head. “We’ll have him negotiate the return. His debt for the item. We’ll arrange for the two of you to exchange it in a more professional setting. The theater. Book a balcony seat and bring a bodyguard you trust. I’ll tag along with Zuko as his bodyguard.”
“...and then what?”
“And then you’ll see.”
“And how do you plan on stopping this? What’s going to stop them from sending more-”
“How valuable do you think this weapon is, Ryu? How many lives is it worth? Ten? Twenty? A hundred? We just have to make it too hard for them to claim.”
“But-”
“Are you going to give the weapon to them, then? Are you going to keep running your whole life?”
Ryu swallowed. Anta had struck a nerve. Of course, that was what she was aiming for. A man who had built an empire with his own hands would obviously realize that, at a certain point, he could no longer dodge his problems forever.
“Very well. I look forward to your success. I will let my men know not to disturb you.”
“One more thing,” Anta said with a devious grin.
“What’s that?”
Anta rubbed her fingers together. “Pay me money. Just a little.”
“You-”
“How are we going to explain all that? Make it look like I’m here to rob you.”
Ryu buried his face in his hands, taking a deep breath.
“Very well.”
He pulled out a small sack and tossed it over.
“Twenty gold coins. Use them well.”
“Thanks.”
With that, Anta waltzed out. John followed, nodding at Ryu once before following her down the halls and back into the elevator. For a moment, they rode together in silence.
“...so, how many times have you regressed?”
Anta nearly flinched.
Nearly.
Just in the nick of time, she managed to hide her expression, but it’d been close. Way too close.
“You don’t need to hide it,” John sighed. “Look, no one else is going to figure it out. You hide it well, but I’m pretty good at this whole thing, so let’s just talk, alright?”
“I didn’t regress,” Anta said. “I’m a prophet. Does that answer your question?”
“Being a prophet doesn’t entail your fighting abilities. Your confidence. Your knowledge of future events. Come on, make your excuse a little more realistic. You’re smart, but you can be a little smarter than that.”
“What makes you so certain I’m not older than I look?” Anta said confidently. “It isn’t good to judge a book by its cover.”
“You don’t talk like someone old. And I can tell there’s two of you in that body, so just give it up, alright? Being a prophet doesn’t entail multiple personalities… well, actually… hm.”
“I’ll tell you what’s going on with me if you tell me why you want to know so badly.”
Anta had been shaken by John’s declaration of two entities being within one body, but she managed to keep her calm.
It didn’t matter how he’d figured it out. What mattered was that this was an opportunity.
If there was any time she could understand John, it was now. When he didn’t feel the need to hide his thoughts. When he was under the assumption he was talking to someone who didn’t care.
“...do you believe in fate?” the man said slowly.
Those words.
Was John really going to spill everything, here and now?
“No,” Anta said slowly. “Not exactly.”
“Would anything change if I told you it did exist?”
So that was how John would play things. Masking the [Plot] as “fate,” explaining the concept of a predetermined destiny as something natural and not existential. But why? For what purpose?
“Not particularly,” Anta said casually. “Does it matter?”
“No,” John said slowly. “I guess it doesn’t.”
For a moment, there was silence. They arrived at the ground floor, where they walked through the remains of the fight and out into the open. The cold air blasted them in the face, the crowd outside mainly dispersed.
“Hey. I’ll answer one of your questions if you answer one of mine,” he said after a long pause.
“...sure.”
“If you could sacrifice yourself for the world. Would you?”
Anta flinched. She visibly, obviously reacted to John’s question.
It was just too much for her to keep her cool.
Why was he asking this?
“...hey, do you promise to answer my question in return?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Anta tried to calm her beating heart. This was an insane opportunity. The fact that she remembered it meant that John wasn’t trying to scum his way into free info, too. She’d considered that possibility too late, but it was fine.
In a rare moment, he was being open.
Perhaps the effect across timelines was there after all. Maybe John had known that meeting Prota, and just meeting Prota, would have an impact on his mentality. On the way he thought.
If that was the case, then there was no reason for Anta to let this opportunity go.
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“I don’t know,” she said quietly.
“...yeah, ok. Great answer.”
“No. I really mean it. I mean, the answer I should give is yes, right? One life for many and everything. But people also care about their own lives. In that moment, when it comes for me to make a decision, is that what I’ll choose? Would I be able to make that choice? I don’t know.”
“I… well, I didn’t think I’d be getting into a philosophical discussion with a kid, but whatever.”
“Look. Counterpoint. If someone else you loved sacrificed themselves for the world, would you be ok with that? Not your choice. But theirs. Would that be ok with you?”
To Anta’s surprise, John didn’t react. She thought the question would have been harder on him, but maybe not.
“Hm. That’s a good point,” John laughed. “I guess my answer is that I also don’t know.”
“Why? Too hard?”
“...don’t worry about it.”
Those words made Anta suddenly realize why John wasn’t answering. Why he didn’t react. It wasn’t that the question troubled him.
In this moment, the idea of having someone he cared about was nonexistent. He didn’t have anyone like that. So he couldn’t answer. To him, it was asking if he would get rid of someone he didn’t care about to save other people he also didn’t care about. Both points were meaningless to him.
Then, she just needed to ask a question he could relate to.
“Hm. Let me rephrase that. Let’s say there are two versions of you. The you that exists. And another ‘you’ that has a different set of memories, but is still inherently you. Would you let them sacrifice themselves for you? Or would you sacrifice yourself for them?”
It was a risky question. Anta was potentially playing her hand too early. John could [Reset], although her memory of the conversation proved otherwise. Truth be told, she couldn’t understand why John had yet to [Reset] and take control of the conversation, but as long as it worked to her advantage, she didn’t care.
“...hm. I don’t know the answer to that, either. What a strange hypothetical,” John said quietly. “Well. It was nice meeting you.”
“Wh- wait, what? Just like that?”
“Well, I thought you might be interesting,” John shrugged. “You were. But I don’t think you’re what I’m looking for, so I’ll be headed off elsewhere, now.”
“...alright. It was nice meeting you, then,” Anta said hesitantly.
“Don’t die, kid. It sucks,” John nodded, then walked off.
Anta just stared.
“What was that all about?”
~~~
For a while, Prota and Anta didn’t say much about the situation. It was way too odd. He’d appeared, had suspicions that they were some kind of [Protagonist] or important [Character], only to just leave.
Was it what Anta had said?
“...Anta,” Prota finally said. “John… what if he doesn’t want to destroy the world?”
“Prota, get over it. If he could get his memories back, he couldn’t care less about this world. Trust me.”
“But-”
“No.”
“...Anta. Is it John’s choice if he doesn’t know?”
There was a moment of silence.
“I hate that you made an incredibly good point, you know that?”
“Anta,” Prota said quietly. “I promised to protect. You said you don’t know. Me too. I don’t know. Sacrifice John, or sacrifice the world. But if we don’t tell him… we already made a choice.”
“Prota, it’s easier if-”
“You said doing what you want isn’t easier. You said choosing the harder path is what matters. Why is it different now?”
Prota wasn’t upset. She wasn’t distraught.
For what was quite possibly the first time, she was the one commandeering the conversation. It wasn’t just a trial Anta was giving. She was having a proper argument.
And she was winning.
“Anta. When you said you don’t know. It’s not because you don’t know. It’s because we’re ok with both options. Right?”
“That’s…”
“If we die and John keeps going. Or if John disappears and this world stays. Both options are ok. Either one… we don’t mind.”
“But-”
“Is it John’s choice if he doesn’t know everything?”
“It was his choice to forget us!” Anta yelled. “In a sense, isn’t that enough of a choice?”
“But I said I would protect. I promised I’d come back for him. If I leave him behind… what’s the point? Anta. Is it victory if no one wins?”
“But our plan-”
“It’s the same. I already said. I’m not John. Plans… too complicated. Hiding secrets, too complicated. Not strong like that.”
It was John’s point all over again. The definition of strength was different no matter where you went. A spy who gathered information could be just as valuable as the strongest knight of an army, and yet one would easily decimate the other in battle.
Anta could plan. She could prepare.
But at this point, Prota was beginning to realize that such strategies were simply not for her.
It was fascinating. John, who loved to charge in recklessly and act without thinking, was the best suited to planning underhanded means to secure victory. His success in battle primarily depended on the opponent slipping up in some way or another, or using someone more powerful to deliver the finishing blow.
Prota, on the other hand, was careful, partially due to the fact that her motivation was to protect John and keep him alive. However, that goal was often solved through the means of brute force. In all her battles, her victory had been secured by obtaining new, more powerful spells. It could be argued that this was also a means of playing underhandedly, but in the end, it was a matter of obtaining more strength.
Technically speaking, there was absolutely no logical reason for Prota to try and give John an option. If her only goal was to keep this world alive, then the only thing she needed to do was keep the fact that she had [Deus Ex Machina] a secret. Zero wouldn’t say anything since he’d promised John he wouldn’t let the two meet, or so she hoped.
But that wasn’t her goal.
That wasn’t “victory.”
She’d made a promise.
And a promise was something she’d keep.
“Anta,” Prota said quietly. “Remember the cave?”
“Which cave- ah. That cave.”
The cave with the mercenaries. It hadn’t been an extravagant event, but a lesson had been taught that Prota would never forget.
There was no sin in making a choice. But making a choice was what was vital. Even declaring that you could not make a choice was fine in itself.
But blindly following someone because you didn’t know any better would result in drastic failure.
There was value in the ability to make a choice.
“John… doesn’t have a choice.”
“Prota-”
“If we fight him. If we hide from him. What happens? Anta. John said… even if we die, even if everyone we know dies, he will leave anyway. Can he get old?”
“...no.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
Realization.
No matter what, the end of the world was inevitable. Unless they could find a way to either permanently kill John, or hide [Deus Ex Machina] from him forever, he would eventually find it and leave.
“Better if we have a choice. Better if he has a choice. Our friends. Better if… they can at least fight for themselves. That’s why. Now, I save them. Now, I don’t care. Because if we lose, we lose. If we win, we win.”
For a moment, the soul was silent. Prota could sense that Anta wanted to argue.
The problem was, as an alternate version of Prota, Anta would end up thinking the same way. Her line of logic would be exactly the same. And if that were the case, it would be hard for her to find any argument at all.
“Fine,” Anta sighed. “Then, what? What are we doing here?”
“...nothing. Stronger. Need to help Kit. Need to find the lab. We can take time. Just… thoughts for the future.”
“Yeah. I guess that works.”
~~~
The following days were rather busy. The first order of business was to call everyone Prota knew.
“You’re doing what?!”
It had been a while since Arthur and Aurora had been integrated into the group. While Prota had yet to do anything of significance with them, she believed she could call them friends, in both this life and the last.
As such, it was right to include them in her plans.
“Prota,” Destiny said shakily. “I know who you are, but still, that’s-”
“Hey, hey. She knows what she’s doing this time around.”
Part of her plans included revealing Anta.
“What the- a g-g-ghost!” Danjo stammered, pointing at the floating Anta.
“Ooh, a scaredy cat,” Anta grinned. “What are you afraid of? That I’ll possess you? I’m coming in-”
“Anta!” Prota scolded.
“Oh, come on. I can’t have a little fun?”
Anta floated back to Prota dejectedly, but even Prota had to admit that the sight of Briar comforting Danjo while trying to suppress her laughter was amusing.
“Uh- so, um, what exactly are you?” Arthur said timidly. “Just… you know. This is a little…”
“Right, right. I told her this was going to be too much at once, but… well, she’s stupidly stubborn sometimes. Anyway. Hello. I’m Anta Char. Prota’s soul.”
Aurora raised her hand. “By soul, do you mean-”
“It’s a little complicated. Don’t worry too much about the specifics. I’m technically just Prota, but as you can tell, I’m also myself. In a similar vein, Prota is me, and yet she’s also herself.”
“Uh… I don’t get it,” Celestia said hesitantly. “How are you two people?”
“I just said don’t worry about the specifics,” Anta sighed.
“...why are you revealing yourself now?” Destiny said carefully. “Anta.”
“Wait, you knew about her already?” Briar exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I don’t reveal others’ secrets like that. But… Prota. Anta. If you’re doing this, that means something bad-”
“No. Quite the opposite.”
Anta began to roughly explain what they’d been through. It wasn’t meant to be a pity-fest or anything like that, but the circumstances needed to be explained in order to reason out their motivations.
She didn’t quite explain John’s existence, or the end of the world. Just that she’d regressed, and that there were problems she intended to resolve this time around.
“To be honest, I wasn’t entirely for this,” Anta sighed. “But Prota seems to see you all as the same people in her previous life. So she wants to give you all a choice.”
“Wait, then is that why you’re so strong?” Danjo frowned. “I… I guess that makes sense…”
“Wait. Prota.” Briar’s tone was unusually serious. “Is… is that why you asked about gramps? Because something bad is happening?”
“...yes,” Prota said quietly. “That’s why we’re here.”
“It’s ok if you want to back out,” Anta said. “To be honest, I’d prefer it if you did. You guys are still kids. Putting you in danger is, to be honest, really stupid. But Prota’s all hung up on giving you guys the option yourselves. Currently, there are a number of Demonic Cultist attacks going on. Briar’s grandfather is the victim of one. Kind of.”
“What? What do you mean, kind of?” Briar roared. “Hey, you-”
“To be exact, it is a man named Ryu Hi who is being threatened. I will explain the details if you want to help. So. I guess it’s time to choose or something.”
Prota stepped forward.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “Making choice… is hard. But I don’t want to pretend that you don’t exist. This is easier by myself. You are all, um. Weak.”
Everyone flinched upon hearing that, save for Destiny, who knew Prota was simply stating an objective fact. He wasn’t the biggest
“But, not fair if Briar doesn’t know. And if Briar knows, then everyone else can know too. So you don’t have to help. It’s ok.”
Everyone looked around. Anta inwardly sighed.
Prota had said that, but she knew the character of these people.
They were good people.
Although she hadn’t intended to do so, Prota had unknowingly manipulated her friends into doing her bidding. While it wasn’t what she wanted, she had pressured them into joining her.
But was it really pressuring if they, too, wanted it?
It was a strange setup. Could it be called manipulation if the intent was not to manipulate? If the intent was truly pure?
Anta couldn’t help but find the situation amusing. It was, simply put, a little ridiculous.
But then again, that was just how relationships were.
“You kids,” she muttered with a smile on her face. “Always trying to improve, huh? Is that what you wanted to see?”
At the end of the discussion, things were easily settled. They all had a month to prepare.
Arthur would have the means to counter the mind controlling reagent. Briar, Danjo and Aurora would attempt to create deployable traps in order to counter and herd the movement of the cultists that would inevitably show up, as well as a device to blow away the fog. Celestia would come along as well, despite Destiny’s protests, to help heal anyone if necessary.
The children were afraid. Of course, it was natural to feel that way.
But their drive to help the person they called a friend was stronger.
As Prota had said, it would likely be easier to subdue the cultists on her own. But to give her friends the opportunity to step in was what she needed.
In this case, victory wasn’t just defeating the enemy.
It was proving that she could do so, even with the involvement of those she couldn’t control.
And in doing so, it was proving that, no matter the consequence, a choice was necessary.
The freedom to choose one’s actions mattered, even in a world where nothing mattered.
Then, for a month, the goal was to prepare. Those who felt capable of combat sparred with Destiny, who was undoubtedly the best sparring partner of the group. Prota could possibly fill that role, but her attention was divided elsewhere. For those more in the preparation side of things, there was still a need to understand how their tools would be used in a practical battle sense. Especially for someone like Danjo, creating tools with one’s life on the line was scary, but he would be fine.
But they were determined. The attributes that allowed these individuals to become saviours of the world were shining once more.
“Prota,” Briar said one afternoon. “Thanks.”
“...nn?”
“You know. For all this. I… I didn’t know gramps was going through all that. He… he never talks about his struggles or past or anything. I try to be a good successor for him, but-”
“You are a good blacksmith,” Prota reassured her. “And he cares about you. You are a good friend. So I should help, too.”
“Aw, aren’t you sweet,” Briar laughed, but it seemed a little forced this time. “Prota. Have you ever… you know. Worried you’re not good enough?”
“Nn.”
“But you-”
“Always someone stronger. Always someone better,” Prota said, shaking her head. “What matters is that you make your choice. And you’re happy. With yourself.”
“Happy with myself, huh…” Briar nodded, closing her eyes. “Thanks, Prota.”
Prota had no clue what had happened to Briar’s family in her past life. In fact, she had no idea what happened to anyone in her past life. She hadn’t gotten that close.
She probably wouldn’t get that close.
But at the very least, there was merit in connecting to her friends in this way.
“Can we get inside, though?” Briar suddenly said. “It’s freezing out here.”
Ah. Right, Briar had always hated the cold, hadn’t she? Prota’s lips curved upward into a little smile.
Even if she lost all of this again, she would go through it.
As many times as it took.
There were reasons to smile.
“Ok.”