jdhmnovel Chapter 425 Endless Self-blame
Chapter 425 Endless Self-blame
Lu Jingchen slumped on the sofa, surrounded by a suffocating silence. After Jiang Ciyou left, every breath of air in this space seemed to be filled with his pain and despair. His eyes stared blankly ahead, his mind seemed to be filled with a mess, and the thing that made him unable to let go was the endless self-blame.
He began to search through the long river of memory, trying to find out where he had gone wrong, which made Jiang Ciyou so determined to return to her husband. He recalled every detail of their time together, and those details that he had once ignored now became the source of his self-blame.
They had quarreled before, and the scenes of those quarrels played in his mind like a movie. Once, they had a disagreement when discussing future plans. Lu Jingchen wanted to take Jiang Ciyou to a quiet town to settle down and live a life away from the hustle and bustle of the city. He described the fresh air, quaint buildings and simple and happy life there. However, Jiang Ciyou had her own ideas. She felt that she still had unfulfilled dreams in the business field, and she was eager to prove her value on the city stage. At that time, Lu Jingchen failed to understand Jiang Ciyou's deep desire for self-realization. He just stubbornly believed that life in a small town was the best, so the two had a fierce quarrel.
Lu Jingchen remembered that his attitude was a bit tough at that time. He had no patience to listen to Jiang Ciyou's ideas, and just kept emphasizing the advantages of small town life. Jiang Ciyou's eyes gradually changed from expectation to disappointment, and finally to anger. Thinking about it now, he felt how stupid his behavior was. Perhaps it was that quarrel that planted the seeds of doubt in Jiang Ciyou's heart, making her feel that she was not someone who could understand and support her.
Another time, Jiang Ciyou encountered a setback in a business project. She thought Lu Jingchen would give her comfort and encouragement, but Lu Jingchen was in a bad mood because he had some troubles at work that day and did not give her enough care. He simply said a few words of comfort and immersed himself in his own troubles. Jiang Ciyou silently endured her failure, and Lu Jingchen did not notice her inner fragility. Now, when he recalled Jiang Ciyou's lonely eyes at that time, his heart felt like being pierced by thousands of needles.
He kept asking himself, if he could be more tolerant and understanding of her at these critical moments, would the result not be like this today? He felt that he was so immature in his relationship. He should have been Jiang Ciyou's most solid support, but he disappointed her again and again.
He remembered that Jiang Ciyou had prepared a dinner carefully to surprise him. However, Lu Jingchen came back very late because he was having a party with friends. When he saw the cold dinner when he got home, he did not show the gratitude and joy he should have. Instead, he just said "thank you" casually and went to wash up. He now truly understood the disappointment of Jiang Ciyou at that moment. He hated himself for not seeing the expectation in Jiang Ciyou's eyes and why he did not give her enough response.
Lu Jingchen's self-blame is not limited to these specific events. He also feels that he has many problems in his personality. He realizes that he is sometimes too self-centered, always focusing on his own feelings and thoughts, and ignoring Jiang Ciyou's needs. He feels that he lacks sufficient sensitivity in his relationship and cannot detect changes in Jiang Ciyou's emotions in time.
He also thought about how he lacked enough patience when dealing with his relationship with Jiang Ciyou. When Jiang Ciyou occasionally had a bad temper or was in a bad mood, he did not tolerate her and enlighten her with endless patience like a true lover, but sometimes he would be affected by her emotions and become impatient. He felt that his character flaws must have caused Jiang Ciyou to suffer a lot in this relationship.
He even began to doubt whether he really loved Jiang Ciyou. If he really loved her, why couldn't he make more changes for her? Why couldn't he give her enough support when she needed him the most? He felt that his so-called love seemed so pale and powerless in the face of these facts.
This self-blame was like a ball of black flame, burning deep in his heart, burning his heart into thousands of holes. He tried to hold his head with both hands, as if this could stop those self-blame thoughts from flooding into his mind. But those thoughts were like a surging tide, hitting him wave after wave, leaving him nowhere to escape.
His body began to tremble slightly, and his throat seemed to be choked by something, making it impossible for him to make any sound. He could only silently shout out his regrets in his heart, and every thought of self-blame was like a sharp knife, cutting another deep wound in his already broken heart.
He thought of Jiang Ciyou's smile, which used to be the warmest sunshine in his life. But now, he felt that he had driven that sunshine away from his world with his own hands. He felt that he was a complete loser, not only had he lost his most beloved person in love, but he had also lost the direction and meaning in life.
He didn't know how to face himself like this. He felt like a child lost in a dark forest, unable to find a way out, and could only sink deeper and deeper into the abyss of self-blame. He longed for a chance to make up for his mistakes, but he knew clearly that everything might be too late.
The pain of self-blame made it almost impossible for him to breathe. He felt as if his soul had been pulled out of his body, leaving only a shell full of regret. He didn't know how to get rid of this pain. He only knew that this self-blame would accompany him through countless long and painful days and nights.
Dear readers, in this chapter, Lu Jingchen's self-blame is a natural reaction after he lost his love. We often have such moments in life. When we lose an important relationship, we will constantly reflect on our mistakes. In fact, this is also part of growth. Every loss can make us know ourselves more deeply and discover our shortcomings. Although Lu Jingchen's self-blame is painful, it is also the only way for him to mature. I hope that everyone can learn lessons from every experience in their own lives and cherish the people around them more. At the same time, this is also an important stage in the development of the story, which will foreshadow Lu Jingchen's subsequent transformation.