jdhmnovel Chapter 430 Self-denial
Chapter 430 Self-denial
Lu Jingchen sat slumped in the dark room, surrounded by the pungent smell of alcohol and tobacco. His eyes were empty and lifeless, as if he had lost his perception of the world. In the days after Jiang Ciyou left, pain and despair were like a surging tide, completely drowning him, and the self-denial was like a whirlpool on the bottom of the sea, constantly pulling him deeper.
He began to review every bit of his time with Jiang Ciyou, and every fragment of memory was like a sharp sword, piercing his fragile heart. He remembered the first time they met, in a dimly lit bar. Jiang Ciyou was like a bright star, exuding a unique charm even in such a noisy and desire-filled environment. And he, at that time, was just a seemingly cynical person, attracted by her beauty and temperament. He felt like an intruder from the beginning, a person who should not be in her life.
He thought of the quarrels they had during their time together. Those quarrels seemed to be just some minor frictions at the time, but now they were infinitely magnified in his mind. Every time they quarreled, he felt that he had not handled it well. He did not give Jiang Ciyou enough warmth when she needed comfort the most, and did not show enough tolerance when she was angry. He kept asking himself, why couldn't he be more patient and understanding at the time? Was it because of these seemingly insignificant quarrels that gradually eroded Jiang Ciyou's feelings for him, and eventually led her to leave decisively and return to her husband?
In terms of love, he felt that he was a complete loser. He once thought that he could bring happiness to Jiang Ciyou and become her support in life. He still remembered the scene when they planned their future together. At that time, they were full of longing, fantasizing about building a warm family together, traveling around the world together, and growing old together. However, all these beautiful longings vanished the moment Jiang Ciyou left. He felt that he had no ability to protect this love and no ability to meet Jiang Ciyou's true inner needs. He began to doubt whether he really understood what love was, and whether his so-called love was just a burden to Jiang Ciyou.
Not only in love, he also had great doubts about his performance in life. He used to think that he was an independent person who could control his own life. But now, he found that his life had become a mess after losing Jiang Ciyou. His living habits, hobbies, and even his image management were completely out of control. He looked at himself in the mirror, his hair was messy like weeds, his face was haggard and thin, his eyes were bloodshot, and his beard was untidy. Is this still the confident self he used to be? He couldn't help asking himself this question.
He felt that he had no goals or direction in life. In the past, Jiang Ciyou was like a beacon in his life, lighting his way forward. He was willing to work hard for her and change himself. But now, the beacon has gone out, and he has fallen into endless darkness. He doesn't know what he should do when he wakes up every day, and he doesn't know where his value lies. He feels like a loser, a person abandoned by life.
He began to deny his own abilities. He felt that he was inferior to others in every aspect. He saw that his friends had stable careers and happy families, but he failed in both love and life. He felt that he had no special skills and was not smart enough to deal with the challenges in life. He felt that the small achievements he had made in the past were insignificant now, and might even be just good luck. He no longer believed that he had the ability to create a better future, whether in career or in love.
This self-denial was like a poison, slowly corroding his heart. He felt like he was trapped in an abyss from which he could not extricate himself, surrounded by darkness and despair. He tried to find some reasons to comfort himself, but every time he was defeated by a stronger self-denial. He felt like a person trapped in a maze, unable to find the exit, and could only wander in the darkness, constantly falling into deeper despair.
He began to escape from reality and was unwilling to face his own problems. He thought that as long as he stopped thinking about them, the pain would go away. However, the more he escaped, the more these problems haunted him like ghosts. He tried to numb his nerves with alcohol and tobacco, so that he could temporarily forget these painful thoughts. However, when the anesthetic effect of alcohol wore off and the smoke of tobacco dissipated, he would fall back into the quagmire of self-denial.
He felt that he had lost all hope, like a drowning man struggling desperately in the sea, but seeing no sign of rescue. He felt that his life had lost its meaning, and life was like an endless nightmare, and he didn't know when he would wake up from this nightmare. His heart was filled with exhaustion and helplessness, and he didn't know how he could regain the confident and optimistic self he once was.
In this dark abyss, his heart was full of contradictions. On the one hand, he hoped to get rid of this self-denial and start a new life; on the other hand, he felt that he had fallen too deep and there was no way to escape. This contradictory psychology made him even more painful. He felt like he was stuck between two huge rocks. No matter which direction he moved, he would suffer great harm.
His mental state was getting worse and worse, and he began to have hallucinations. Sometimes, he would feel that Jiang Ciyou was right beside him, and he would talk to the air, pouring out his thoughts and pain. When he woke up and found that it was just his hallucination, he would fall into deeper despair. He felt that he was going crazy, and this self-denial had pushed him to the brink of collapse.
He began to feel afraid of his future. He didn't know what the future would be like if he continued like this. He was worried that he would lose the chance to regain happiness forever, and that he would spend the rest of his life in this self-denial mood. He wanted to change, but he didn't know where to start. He felt like a traveler lost in the desert, surrounded by endless yellow sand, no water, no direction, and could only wait for death to come.
In this dark moment, he was filled with loneliness. He felt abandoned by the whole world and no one could understand his pain. Although his friends and family tried to contact him and wanted to help him, he felt that they could not truly understand his inner torment. He felt like a lonely traveler, walking alone on a dark road, without companions and without hope.
However, in the deepest part of his heart, he still had a faint voice calling out. This voice told him that he couldn't just give up on himself, and that he still had a chance to stand up again. However, this voice seemed so small and powerless in front of the strong self-denial emotion. He didn't know if he could listen to the call of this voice and walk out of this dark abyss.
Dear readers, in this chapter, we see that Lu Jingchen has fallen into extreme self-denial. This is a natural reaction after he has experienced setbacks in love, but it is also the only way for him to grow and be reborn. Everyone may encounter similar difficulties in life. When we suffer a major blow, it is easy to fall into self-denial. But just as there is always light after darkness, this self-denial may also become an opportunity for us to re-examine ourselves, discover our own problems and work hard to improve. I hope that when you read this chapter, you can feel the inner struggle of the character, and at the same time draw some strength from his experience to face the difficulties in life.